曾经在网上见过一个翻译的非常糟糕的摘要，完全扭曲了原文的意思。随即开始自己翻译。看能不能翻译出原文的韵味来。
原文：http://vbnotebookfor.net/2007/08/19/10-ways-to-insure-project-failure/
If you want your next software development project to fail, and not just a small way but in big, spectacular, way, here are some sure fire steps for you to follow:
如果你希望你的下一个开发项目失败，并且不是一个小小的失败，而是彻头彻尾的失败，这里有一些必须遵从的步骤。
1. Set Unrealistic Goals
1. 制定一个不切实际的目标
Your management says the project has to be done in 2 months. You know it can’t be done in any less than 6 and it’s probably more like 9 months. But, hey, they want it in 2 and you’re in no position to challenge them so why not just go ahead and agree to it. Your team won’t mind. After all, if they agree to work 80 hours a week they should be able to pull it off. Besides, you’ve just gotten the purchase of a brand new code generation tool approved. This will save loads of time in the project.
你的经理说这个项目必须在 2 个月内完成。你知道完成这个项目至少需要 6 个月甚至 9 个月的时间。但是他们希望在 2 个月内完成，而你的地位又不足以与其抗衡，所以为什么不同意并且继续呢。你的团队不会介意这个的。在剩下的时间里，他们会同意每周工作 80 小时以便能够赶上进度。除此之外，你还被获准购买新一代的代码生成工具。这将帮你在项目中节省“一大车”的时间。
2. Staff Up Quickly
2. 快速的建立团队
You need people on your team ASAP. Hire the first warm bodies your pal at Programmers-R-Us sends over for an interview. Your project has a tight schedule so you need somebody, anybody, on-board and ready to code. Don’t bother with having your team participate in the interview process or be too picky. If you do, you might lose the good candidates to other companies.
你的团队需要快速补充人手。在程序员网站上发布大量的招聘雇佣热血青年作为你的搭档。你的项目有一个非常紧张的进度表，所以你需要一些人，任何人，随时准备好开始编码。不要让你的团队为面试的过程烦恼，更不要吹毛求疵。如果你这样做，可能失去一个优秀的候选人，他则转而加入了其他公司。
3. The More Documentation The Better
3. 文档越多越好
Require your team to document everything. You need a scribe to take down the minutes of each and every meeting and publish them afterwards. Every form must be filled out according to a mandated template taken from an antiquated mainframe methodology you learned in school or a NASA software development handbook you bought on eBay. Insist developers write out weekly, or even daily, status reports. You can never have too much data about a project. Ignore the whiners on your team who complain about being overloaded with useless work. They just don’t understand the benefits of good documentation.
让你的团队为所有的内容编写文档。你需要一个书记员来记录每次会议的每一分钟，日后整理成册。必须严格按照你在大学里学习的原始格式或者你从 eBay 上购买的 NASA 软件开发手册中的内容填写每一个表格，包括每日状态报告。对于项目来说你永远不会觉得数据会太多。忽略哪些在团队中抱怨做了太多无用工作的罗嗦的家伙。他们不明白文档的重要性。
4. You Can Always Make Up a Schedule Slip Later in the Project
4. 总是可以弥补项目日程表上微小的延后
If your project is falling behind it is always safe to assume that you can make up the difference later. People were just goofing off or getting into the project at first. Everybody knows that as the project progresses everyone gets more comfortable and productive. Just like in a distance race, everyone stores up enough energy for a big sprint at the end. Count on having a strong finish for your project.
如果你的项目落后于计划，总是可以确信在日后一定能赶上进度。人们在项目初期总是有些愚蠢。每个人都知道随着项目的进行会越来越轻松并且有效率。就像赛跑一样，每个人保存实力以便在终点的时候冲刺。就请期待项目牛X的结束吧！
5. Relax Your Standards To Shorten the Schedule
5. 放松标准以追赶日程表
OK, so it looks like the document everything plan is not going to work out so well. The obvious answer is to do the opposite, scrap all documentation including any end user instructions or help files. That extra work can be done after the project is completed. Also, cut out fluff like integration and user testing, well managed source control and test systems and your other standard coding processes and procedures that just get in the way. Quality isn’t important, only completing the project on time is important.
好吧，似乎对所有内容编写文档的计划看起来并不那么有效。答案显然是不这样做，抛弃所有的文档，包括任何最终用户文档和帮助文件。这些额外的工作可以放在项目结束后进行。同时，去掉如集成测试和用户测试之类的无用的东西，好的代码管理以及测试系统和其他一些代码标准化安排与措施已经不需要这些测试了。品质是不重要的，只有按时完成项目才是最重要的。
6. Micromanage
6. 事无巨细
If left to their own devices team members will goof off. It is your job to stay on them 24/7. If traffic is bad one morning, make a point of calling late team members on their cell phone every 2 minutes to gauge the progress of their commute. Who knows, they actually may be lounging at Starbucks rather than sitting in their car behind a jackknifed semi. Call them in the evening at home as well, particularly if they have the audacity to leave early, to discuss fine points of the project for 30 minutes or so. Use time management software to track each developer’s time in and out of the office and exactly what they’re working on throughout the day. Also, you should swing by every team member’s cubical 2 or more times a day to ask them about their progress. Feel free to offer your sage suggestions about whatever they’re working on. This lets them know how much you care.
如果让团队成员独立工作，他们就会变成蠢货。你的任务就是一星期7天，一天24小时的跟他们呆在一起。如果某天早晨的交通状况很糟糕，要点就是每两分钟给迟到的团队成员打一次电话以了结他们的什么时候能到。谁知道呢，他们可能会在星巴克里面休闲，而不是呆在车里停在在长长的车龙中间。晚上他们在家的时候也要给他们打电话，特别是他们厚颜无耻的提前离开的时候，一定要在电话里花三十分钟的时间讨论一下项目要点或者其他什么。使用时间管理软件来跟踪每一个开发人员到达或离开办公室的时间，特别是要了解他们一整天都在干什么。同时，你应该每天 2 的 3 次方或者更多次游走于每一个项目成员之间，以便告诉他们项目的进度。在他们应当做什么这个问题上尽可能的发表你英明的决策。这能让项目组了解到你有多重视。
7. Call a Daily Project Status Meetings
7. 每天一次项目状态会议
You should have at least one daily meeting to take the pulse of the project. This is best scheduled either first thing in the morning or very late in the afternoon. This helps insure everyone is arriving on time and not leaving early. Better yet, schedule a meeting for both times for a win-win situation. Every point of the schedule and the day’s work should be discussed in detail during these meetings. You have the room and the team’s attention for a full hour so why not use it to the fullest?
你应该每天至少开一次会以便把握项目的脉搏。不论是早上的第一件事还是下午的最后一件事，最好是能够确定下来。这个可以帮助确定每个人是否按时完成或者提前离开。更好的方式，开第二次会议以便再次确认项目状态。在这次会议中，每一个要点和当天工作的细节需要被讨论并确定。你有会议室和项目组整个中午的时间，所以为什么不更加充分的利用它呢？
8. Threaten Team Members to Motivate Them
8. 恐吓团队成员以激励他们
If your team is falling behind the problem is that you aren’t motivating them enough. You’re allowing them to goof off and fall behind! Put your project back on track by putting their feet to the fire. Let them know that if they don’t dedicate themselves wholly to the project they’ll be finding a new job. Question their competence as programmers and mention how anyone who doesn’t perform up to standards will be fired so as to spur them on to greater acheivement. You will be amazed at how motivated your team is after you take this approach.
如果你的项目组的工作落后于计划，问题在于你没有给予他们足够的激励。是你让他们变得懒惰并且愚蠢从而拖延进度！为了让项目走上正规，让他们站在被炒掉的边缘。让他们知道如果不为项目奉献自己的全部，他们将会需要一份新工作。怀疑他们作为程序员的能力并且通知任何人如果不能履行职责将会被开除，要用巨大的压力刺激他们。只要你持有这种态度，你将会对于团队的激励程度感到惊讶。
9. Bring In More Programmers
9. 补充更多的程序员
That Brooks guy’s ideas might have applied way back in 70’s at IBM but they don’t apply in modern, Web 2.0, times. Screw the ‘Mythical Man Month’. Bringing in more programmers means more people coding and thus more getting done faster, simple as that. You could even have them work shifts using the same computers to save office space and equipment costs. You can easily find or invent a buzz word to describe what you’re doing to sell it to the team and your management. What a brilliant coup that would be!
一小股人的主意可能可以应用在70年代的IBM，但是不能用在现代的、Web 2.0时代。翻一翻“人月神话”吧。更多程序员意味着更多人编写代码，因此完成得会更快，就这么简单。你甚至可以让他们轮流使用同一台电脑以节约办公室空间和设备费用。你可以很容易的找到或者发明一个词来描述它，这样可以向项目组推销你的管理方式。那将是多么伟大的计划啊！
10. Set Your Plan in Stone
10. 在石板上刻下你的计划
Never, ever, back down on your vision of the project schedule or plan. You said 2 months with the new tool and you meant it. You know you have awesome estimation and project management skills. Don’t entertain any complaints about your choices in meetings. Anyone questioning your decision is being insubordinate and disrespectful and probably just looking for a way to slack off. How dare they question your competence and authority?
永远不要推翻你制定的项目进度表或计划。说使用新工具开发两个月就是使用新工具开发两个月。你知道你有令人敬畏的判断力和项目管理能力。不要饶恕任何怀疑你在会议中作出的决定的行为。任何挑战你决心的行为都是不服从和无理的，这是为了寻找偷懒的机会。他们怎么敢怀疑你的能力和权威？
Special Bonus Idea
特别要提的想法
If you need good political cover for implementing these steps toward failure you need to tie them to a popular development and project management buzzword like Scrum, Agile, or Extreme Programming. All of these methods offer excellent cover to you both during and after the project. This shows your managers that you’re on top of the latest software development project management trends while your team are a bunch of disloyal whiners who can’t stand to have their cheese moved. Furthermore, when the project fails you will be recognized as a company expert of the method since you know what doesn’t work. Does it matter that you just ‘cargo culted’ these methods? No, not at all. You’re well on your way to being the next ‘pointy haired boss’ or Bill Lumbergh.
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